So I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about life. Thinking about death. How things around us mold who we are. How we think. How we act. How we treat others. And unless we choose to stop and ask ourselves, "Why, exactly, do I live the way I do" we would continue to do so until the bitter end. Completely oblivious to anything outside of our little rat race bubble we call life. I recently turned twenty-five and I can honestly say that the last couple years has been thee most challenging years of my life. People who were my rock when I was younger have hurt me harder then I could ever imagine and continue to do so. Others have come into my life and I could not imagine life without them. Some friendships have come back from being stagnant and others have progressed from uninterrupted, perfectly sustained, purposeful love and attention.
I have also mentally removed myself from a traditional word that I've been raised with my whole life. Or maybe I should say that I'm a new hybrid version of the word. I call myself a "No Bull-Shit Christian". I love Jesus. And I have a relationship with Him. I believe that I am called to show people who may or may not believe in anything His undying, uninterrupted, unbroken, endless, love. That's it.
I am tired of people (most of them who call themselves Christians) living in a little subculture not able to be a normal, decent human being in the real world. The world they are all trying to change. I used to be one of them. And of course I didn't see it like that at the time. I was just doing what I thought was right. Until I started questioning it a bit. "Am I more special then someone because I'm on the worship team? Am I closer to God because I manifest it in a physical way? Why do I have to go to church every Sunday? Does that make me a better Christian than someone who doesn't make the time to go?" And I never noticed how exactly I would be affected by that thought process until I experienced it first hand for myself. When I got a job that required me to work weekends I was unable to continue my hardcore routine of Sunday church. Not because I realized yet, but because I just worked Sundays. That's it. So when weeks went by, then months, I lost all the connections that I thought were so solid. Turned out it was just because we're all part of a club and if you stopped going, you wouldn't really ever see them again. Until one day when I was working at my job (which in the christian world would be a little scandalous and had me dressing and wearing a lot of makeup) and I was instantly judged by a woman who used to pray and intercede for me while I was on the worship team. She didn't recognize me. She didn't smile at me. She didn't even talk to me. But I was judged and I could feel it as a human being. From that moment on I changed. I had an epiphany. That was a woman who was supposed to represent God's love and she couldn't even look at me and say hello. All she did was judge me. Who the hell do you think you are to judge me? You don't know me at all. But we all do this, all the time. Who the hell am I to treat someone like they're inferior to me? So I don't. At least it's my lot in life now to not judge anyone anymore. But I'm human. And I am not perfect and I catch myself doing it but I believe it's not just a choice, it's a lifestyle.
So here's my deal. I prefer quality then quantity. Quality in people. Quality in life. Family is the most important thing to me. My husband and my son is my joy, my work is my quest for peace, my life is for loving and to never take a single thing for granted.
-MG
